Minneapolis
by lemacd
Summary: Hiram and Eva have moved to Minneapolis to start their new life together. Sequel to 'Redeemed'... bear with me, it's a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. reviews adored. SUMMARY UPDATE 7/11/13 PLZ READ! I have not abandoned this story, but need to finish a story in another forum first. your patience will be honored PROMISE! thnx.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: not mine, don't own, blah, blah, blah…**

**Author's Note: This is a sequel to 'Redeemed'. It might help to read that first. Starting this was harder than I thought. Seriously. I had so many ideas but didn't know how to begin. So here is something to at least get the ball rolling. Not sure I'm happy with it, but… anyway. Read/review/thanks in advance.**

Chapter One

Hiram drank the last dregs of his coffee, wishing he had time for one more cup if for no other reason than he wanted to stare at his wife a little longer. He couldn't decide which was more mesmerizing; the way she left her hair down in the morning, her long blonde hair cascading in the new morning sunlight, or the silent way she moved gracefully from stove to table, too sleepy to make conversation but giving him soft touches as she served him. Lately he was sure it was the cute way her robe refused to cover her stomach now that she was clearly showing.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" Eva asked with playful annoyance.

"You're so beautiful. I can't help it."

"Incorrigible," she muttered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, tugging at the robe to cover her body. When he passed on another cup of coffee, she sat down at the table with him.

"Well, you know," he said in mock defense. "I never said you had to get up with me. If bachelorhood taught me anything it was how to fry my own egg in the morning. I'd much rather you get plenty of rest."

"If being a spinster teacher taught me anything, it's how to get up with the sun. So you better get used to seeing my face," she retorted, then add with a sigh. "Besides, I have all day long to get rest."

There it was again, a sadness that couldn't be repressed. He was afraid to ask her why she was so disheartened. What did he know? Shouldn't a husband know these things without asking? He was mostly afraid that she would tell him that she had doubts and that after all the upheaval had settled she realized that everything was a huge mistake.

"I know you're not happy, Eva," he said, unable to look at her face. "If I did something wrong, if I said something… please tell me. Just let me try to fix it, whatever it is." He felt her hand on his arm, tender but firm. She waited for him to look at her.

"You have done everything very right, Hiram."

"I still want to fix it."

"Just love me and it'll be fixed. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I was needed when I was teaching and I miss it. I just need to get used to all this time I have, figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with myself to feel important again." It wasn't a lie, she did miss teaching, but there was more to it than that. She couldn't tell him how empty and disconnected she was feeling to everything happening to her.

"Being my wife is important. Motherhood is important. It's completely normal to be nervous. I've seen it many times. I know you'll be a wonderful mother." Hiram stood up, picked up his medical bag and leaned down to give her a kiss good bye. She walked him to the door and helped him with his coat and hat, pulling the collar up. She handed him his hat and waited for another kiss.

"When you think of me today, remember that I'm missing you more than you're missing me," he said.

"Not possible. Hurry home to me." She watched him step out in into the chilly December air, hurry down the sidewalk and disappear from sight.

She quickly shut the door and returned to the warmth of the kitchen, cleaned up breakfast and headed upstairs to get dressed. As she reached the top stair, she noticed the sunbeams pouring out of the unfinished nursery onto the hall floor. She made her way to the doorway and stared at the emptiness of it. How very appropriate, she thought.

As she stepped into the room, she liked the way the sun warmed the air and gave it a cheery feel. As far as nurseries go, it would be the perfect room for it. She tried to think of one child she taught in Walnut Grove that had his own nursery. Nellie and Willie Oleson perhaps, but they were quite often the exception to any rule. Yes, her child would have everything it could possibly need to thrive. Except a loving mother. She left the room and shut the door behind her. The nursery would be finished in due time. Until then, she didn't want to look at it anymore.

As she got dressed, she stared at her changing shape.

"It's not like you won't be loved at all, you know," Eva spoke aloud. "Your father is positive you are the most handsome baby that will ever be born. He's delivered quite a few. He'll be a qualified judge." She covered up and closed her eyes. It didn't matter. No matter what she did or said, she couldn't make herself want this baby.

Even though the ordeal was solidly in the far away past, she still had moments of terror that she couldn't control. If a heavy wind made the house moan or if a stranger bumped into her in a crowded shop she would start to panic. And even though Benjamin was dead, she still struggled with nightmares. This baby was a reminder of everything she wanted to forget and it was growing by the day. It wasn't fair to it or to Hiram, but the more she tried to pretend to be happy, the sadder she became.

There were chores to be done and letters to be written. She would cook and she would eat, and in between she would rest. Despite the cold, it was a beautiful day for a long walk. Christmas was coming and she still hadn't settled on a gift for her husband. There was plenty to keep her mind occupied. And when all of it was finished, he would be home again. That thought alone gave her the resolve she needed to move her day along.

When she thought about how much she loved him, she could barely breathe. It was nothing short of a miracle how quickly her affection turned to deep love. She couldn't remember the precise moment, but it was sudden… she didn't just care about him, but needed him with every ounce of her being. It was a miracle.

As she passed by the nursery door again, she prayed for another miracle. Perhaps God would spare one more for the sake of a child that never did anything wrong and the man she loved who longed for a family of his own, a family that was whole and happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: don't own, not mine, blah blah blah**

**A/N: Ok, you know you've been waiting for it so here it is, oozing with romance. Please don't hate yourself in the morning…**

Chapter Two

She fixed a pot of tea, carried it into the parlor and settled on a chair near the window where she could see clear up the street to the next block. The sun was setting and the people moving about were turning into shadow figures against the houses and sky, but she could tell which her husband was. She knew his walk. It wasn't time yet, but she watched anyway.

She was still thinking about miracles. They were spontaneous, inexplicable, God's intervention in the hearts and lives of mankind. She had to admit to herself that she couldn't remember praying to love Hiram better. Perhaps he was the one who prayed. He was a man of science more than faith, not that she could recall him ever doubting the existence of miracles.

What did it matter? The fact was that changes weren't only happening physically, but in her heart. She once feared that she would never be a proper wife for him but the fear transformed into a leap of faith… a miracle.

Eva remembered waking up from another nightmare. Like all the others, she struggled to catch her breath and calm her racing heart.

The first time it happened after they were married, Hiram tried to comfort her, but the feeling of being held made it worse. She screamed and struck out at him in her sleep. When she woke up, nothing she could say would make him forgive himself. He offered to sleep in another room to make her feel safer, but she assured him that she never considered him a threat. Hiram finally settled on a solution: he would remove himself when a nightmare started and sleep in a chair in the corner of the room. Many mornings Eva woke to find him slumped in the chair looking terribly uncomfortable. He never complained about it.

This time, however, she woke up and reached for him. He wasn't there, but she desperately wished that he was. She sat up and looked at him sleeping in the chair. He shifted around in his fitful slumber, his tall frame unable to find a comfortable position. She thought it would be nice to have his arms around her and to hear his voice whispering soothing words of assurance in her ear. It's alright, Eva, he would say. You're safe, I'm here.

She quietly got up and grabbed the top quilt from the bed. Sleeping in the chair was not only uncomfortable, it was cold. Hiram never bothered to take a blanket or drag the chair closerto the dying embers in the fireplace. She covered him with the quilt, and then gave the fire a poke. A small flame leaped to life, its light bouncing off the walls around the room.

She started to walk quietly back to the bed, but stopped a few feet away. It looked so big and empty without him there. She didn't want to crawl back under the covers alone. Instead, she went back to her husband, lifted a corner of the quilt and lowered herself onto his lap. She carefully slid her arm around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. After a few moments, he shifted to pull the quilt tighter around her and cradle her in his arms like she was a child.

She lifted her head and watched the low light of the fire flicker on his face. Suddenly she saw him very differently. He was peaceful. He was content. He was never far when she needed him. She knew she couldn't say the same about herself. His eyes opened and he met her stare. He smiled as he pulled her closer into his arms.

"You're shaking, Eva," he said in a sleepy voice. "Do you feel alright?"

"I love you, Hiram." It was simple yet seemed inadequate for everything she was feeling in her heart at that moment. Maybe he was content with the little she offered him, but she was no longer satisfied. She reached out her hand and brought his face to hers. She kissed him, not once, but over and over. She moved her hand from his face to his shoulder and then back and forth across his chest, feeling the buttons of his night shirt as she did. She loosened a few and slowly slid her hand inside and rested her palm over his heart.

"I can feel your heart beating," she said quietly. "Like it's going to jump out of your chest at me."

"I can't seem to help it," he smiled. She put her head back on his shoulder and buried her face in his neck, nuzzling him along his jaw line until she reached his ear. "That… is not helping."

She didn't care. All she wanted to do was tell him everything she was feeling but it was tangled up with so many emotions and stuck in her throat. She did love him. She wanted to be everything he wanted. She wanted him to need her like she needed him.

She took his hand and pressed it close over her heart inside her gown. She looked into his eyes before he leaned into her neck with his lips. The heat of his breath on her throat and the coolness of his fingers on her skin made the whole room start to spin.

"Now I can barely breathe," she moaned as he kissed her. He suddenly stopped, slipped his arm under her knees and stood up, scooping her into the air. When he reached the bed, she lowered her legs until her feet touched the bare floor. He touched her face, tracing little circles with his thumb.

"If you tell me to stop, I will," he said into her eyes. It was a promise. She didn't say anything. Instead she unbuttoned her gown and let it fall off her shoulders and then to the floor. He pulled his shirt over his head, lifted her again and laid her on the bed.

She heard him choke back emotions as he told her she was beautiful. She reached for him, pulling his face to hers until their lips met. They took their time being close to each other, holding each other. Their kisses were more intense than they had ever been. She kept waiting for her senses to return and scream at her to stop him, to run away before it was too late, but it never happened. Where there had been fear, now there was deep longing.

Finally, he moved over her. She could read his mind… he didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her to be sure. She pulled his body to hers.

He was gentle.

She responded to every move he made.

She felt the tears roll down her face. She didn't think she could ever love him more than she did after that night, but every day just proved that she did have more love to give him. Her only regret was that it had taken so long in both their lives to discover these feelings for each other, for she was convinced it was always there long before the events of the recent past.

She saw him cross the broad street and head toward home. She could feel her heart start to race. She moved quickly to the door and opened it when he reached the top step.

"What is it, darling, what's wrong?" He asked, startled to see her standing there, her face wet from crying.

"Nothing is wrong," she blurted as she ran to his arms. "It's just that… I love you and missed you all day." His face was still chilled from the walk home and his coat smelled like fresh air. "And I'm happy… very, very happy."

He kissed her as the door closed behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: don't own, not mine, blah blah blah**

Chapter Three

For days Hiram observed his wife's behavior without comment. Despite the level of trust and intimacy they had been able to achieve in their marriage, she was still a mystery to him. He delighted in discovering the things that made her laugh and was resolved to remember the things that made her cry. He had to sort through emotions that were merely a reaction to her changing biology and other feelings that could be delayed trauma. The nightmares had ceased with very few exceptions. Perhaps they were just manifesting in different ways.

It was the only explanation he could apply to these strange moments of melancholy. She promised that she was happy as his wife and that the move to the city was more than she had hoped it would be and he truly believed her. She could be flirty, affectionate and smiling one moment and then suddenly she would withdraw, her mind going somewhere far away.

He pretended to read a book while Eva performed her nightly rituals before joining him in their bed. He never bored of watching her unbraid her hair. Watching her undress still took his breath away, but lately she didn't seem to want him to see her body. He stole a glance as she stood before the mirror in her nightgown, lost in thought, staring at her own body. She pulled her gown tight over her belly, mentally measuring how big she was.

"Is everything feeling good?" He said, breaking into her thoughts.

"Oh… yes, I feel fine," she answered quickly, grabbing her robe and holding it in front of her as she turned away. She stoked the fire one last time before climbing into bed. When she did, she pulled the covers up over her stomach.

"Can I ask you something… about the baby?" Hiram put his book on the floor, removed his glasses and turned to look at her.

"I guess," she said ambivalently.

"Has the baby been moving a lot?" He pulled the covers down so he could put his hand on her belly to see for himself.

"Uh… not really. Should it be moving?" She looked at his face for signs of concern.

"Well, maybe… everything seems to be progressing like it should," he mused. He leaned down and put his mouth near his hand.

"Are you awake?" He asked to her belly, but while looking at her. Suddenly she felt something move. He smiled as he felt it, too. "See?" Eva nodded. He waited for her to show any kind of excitement, but instead she said nothing. "Does that ever happen when you talk to him? Or her, as the case may be?" Eva shook her head and gently moved his hand away.

"Goodnight," she mumbled as she curled up on her side, her back to him.

"Eva…"

"I'm very tired, darling," she cut him off. "Can we talk about the baby another time?"

"Of course. Sleep well," he answered, putting out the lamp by his bed.

There it was again... melancholy. He knew it was common for pregnant women to experience moods. Eva was not a vain woman, though, and her sudden aversion to looking expectant troubled him. At first he thought it was cute when she would tug at her clothes to cover herself more, but lately it seemed like the behavior of a frantic person.

His thoughts bounced from one thing to another. Something was coming between them, something pushing him away from her. She had to feel it too, he thought. Yet she didn't seem to be fighting it. He decided to confront her in the morning before finally drifting into a fitful sleep.

When he woke up, he was alone. He groped the top of his his bed table for his glasses and looked at his watch to find that it was quite late in the morning. He thought he should feel more rested than he did considering the amount of sleep he managed to get, but his head was throbbing and his limbs seemed heavy as he went through the motions of getting washed and dressed for the day.

Eva was sitting by the stove in the kitchen sewing buttons on one of his shirts when he finally made his appearance. She set the shirt aside and moved toward the shelf for a cup.

"Good morning," she said pleasantly. "I tried to wake you but you were sleeping so deeply that I didn't have the heart. I thought you must really need to sleep." Hiram said nothing as he sat at the table. The room felt a bit chilly.

"Hungry?"

"No, just coffee… if you'll sit and keep me company," he said. He reached for the cup and wrapped his hands around the outside of it to warm up his hands.

"You don't look well," she commented, putting her cool hand on his face.

"I'm fine," he said weakly. "I'm still waking up, I guess."

Eva brought her sewing to the table and sat with him. He watched her finish the task and smiled.

"Thanks for fixing my shirt. I was never very good at that."

"That's funny. You'd think a doctor would be good with thread and a needle," she answered with a chuckle. "It's only a button." He shrugged. They sat in silence for awhile. He could feel it again, the wall rising between them.

"It looks like it could snow today," she said, finally breaking the silence. "Wouldn't it be nice? I like lots of snow at Christmas…"

"Eva," Hiram interrupted.

"Hmm?" she looked at him.

"If something was bothering you, you'd tell me," he asked. "Wouldn't you?" She looked away and didn't answer. Instead she put the thread into a small square basket and carried it to a corner shelf by the stove. She shook out the shirt and draped it carefully over her arm.

"If I hang this up before it wrinkles, I won't have to iron it before you can wear it," she mumbled, forcing herself to be cheerful.

"Please," he begged. "Leave it."

"Hiram," she sighed impatiently. "We're always talking about what bothers me. What's bothering you? Clearly you have something you want to say, so just say it."

"I don't want to make you angry."

"I'm not angry," she said shortly.

"You're not happy, either," he quickly answered back.

"Maybe you're just too obsessed with my happiness. Women get blue… aren't you the one who told me that?"

"That was before it started to build a wall between us, Eva."

"A wall?.. No, you're wrong," she snapped back. He knew he should stop but he couldn't help it. He sat back and felt his muscles cramp. The throbbing in his temples was getting stronger.

"It happened last night when I tried to talk about the baby. It seems to always happen when we talk about the baby. You change the subject or walk away."

"I told you," Eva sighed. "I was tired and wanted to go to sleep…"

"So let's talk about it now," he challenged. Eva looked at him for a long time before setting the shirt on the table and sitting back down.

"Fine," she answered. "Go ahead."

"No," he said shaking his head. "I've been doing all the talking and you have never said anything. I want you to start."

"This is ridiculous," Eva muttered under her breath. She was not in the mood for games.

"See? You can't do it." Hiram managed to get out before falling into a short coughing spell. "You can't ignore it forever…"

"Ignore?" Eva cried out, her voice starting to rise. "How do you suppose I ignore all this?" She gestured to her whole body. "From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep it is all I can think about."

"That's not what I meant…"

"It's there for everyone to see. I didn't ask for it, but it's there. And you want to talk about it. Ok, let's do that…"

"I'm sorry… this was a mistake," Hiram thought the room was no longer cold, but very warm. He loosened the collar on his shirt and wiped his face.

"No, not at all. You'd probably like to know that right now the baby is dancing a jig at the sound of me yelling at you. That should make you happy."

"Enough…"

Neither spoke for a long time. Eva moved to a window and stared at the sky. She really hoped it would snow, but it would probably only rain instead. Snow made everything look clean and fresh.

"The other day I was having tea with Katharine and she asked me if I thought about naming the baby after his father if it was a boy. Of course, she meant you, but it took the last bit of strength out of me, Hiram." Her voice was softer, but still very sad. "I've been pretending for so long that I want this baby and I can't do it anymore. I tried really hard for your sake. I'm sorry."

"No," Hiram struggled to speak the words. "I've been incredibly selfish. I do wish you had been honest with me, but I understand why you weren't."

"You must think I'm horrible," she said quietly.

"No, I don't," he answered.

"Why not? I do," she scoffed. "It's not fair to you and it isn't fair to this baby. What kind of woman can't stand the thought of her own baby?"

"I… I don't know what to say," Hiram mumbled. The words were loud in his head. He was still warm, but he couldn't seem to keep his body from shivering. "Maybe it will take time, or maybe when the baby is born… Eva… I don't feel well." He tried to stand up, but slumped back in his chair and into a coughing spell. Eva rushed to his side and helped him stand again. She put her lips to his forehead and ran her fingers through his hair which was moist from his fever.

"You're burning up!" She walked with him up the stairs and helped him to quickly get into bed.

"I'll be fine after some r-rest," he assured her through chattering teeth.

"I'm going to ask Sam to come," she declared. "I won't be gone long… I'm sorry for what I said and how I said it, Hiram. I've been praying for a miracle. Please don't fret over it right now. Just rest, OK?"

Hiram nodded and closed his eyes. She watched him for a few moments before rising to build up the fire. As she turned to leave the room, Hiram called her name. She ran to his side and waited.

"Ask Katharine to tell you about Captain Brooks," he whispered.

"What?" She thought his request made no sense and instantly put it out of her mind. She could only think about getting to the Weber's house and asking Sam to come and check on her husband. She kissed his cheek and pulled herself away from his side. "Never mind about that, just rest. I'll be right back." She hurried down the stairs and grabbed her coat before running out the door and across the street.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: not mine, don't own, blah blah blahhhhhh**

Chapter Four

Eva knocked on the door and waited. She had just finished uttering a brief prayer that someone would be home when the handle turned and Katharine was standing in the doorway.

"Is Sam home? Hiram has fallen ill. He has a fever… I don't know what to do."

"Sam isn't home right now, but he'll be back soon. I'll come with you. He's going to be fine, dear, don't worry," Katharine pulled Eva into the house while she called up the stairs for her son, Simon. The tall 16 year old stopped halfway down the stairs. He greeted Eva politely and then listened to his mother's instructions.

"Dr. Baker is feeling ill. Please tell your father to come across the street when he returns home," She waved to him as she opened the door for Eva. "Thank you, dear. You're a good boy."

"I know it's probably just a chill," Eva explained as they hurried back across the street and up the walk to her house. "But he's so miserably feverish. I didn't know what to do except making him go back to bed."

"With men, sometimes that is the hardest part," Katharine quipped. "We'll take care of him. Don't worry." They hurried up the stairs to find him coughing in his sleep. Katharine went to his side and touched his forehead.

"We can bring that fever down," she observed. "But that cough is a bother. Let's start with a cold cloth on his head. Do you have any broth?" Eva shook her head. She felt completely helpless. "Then bring some water. He needs to keep drinking. I know he's shivering but we need to let that fire die down and then put some moisture back in the air. That will help him breath and get some rest." Katharine smiled and put her arm around her nervous friend and then prodded her to follow the instructions she listed.

Eva kept busy doing everything she was told. She made many trips up and down the stairs with boiling water to fill a small cauldron she hung over the hot embers in the fireplace. After the third trip she could feel the difference in the air and noted that it helped her husband rest better. The sight of him finally sleeping well gave her relief.

"Now we just let him sleep," Katharine said cheerfully as she pulled curtains over the windows and darkened the room as best she could. "I think we could both use a cup of tea, huh?" She followed Eva to the kitchen and ordered her to sit while she took care of the refreshment.

"Thank you, Katharine," Eva said. She let her self relax for the first time all day. "I guess I panicked."

"My pleasure," Katharine replied. "My men folk don't let me nurse them anymore. Most doctors make the worst patients. They never do what their supposed to do. You're lucky."

"Yes," Eva agreed. She tried to smile but she was finally overcome with relief and started to feel the tears well up in her eyes.

"Hey, he's going to be fine," Katharine consoled her. "It's hard to watch someone you love suffer the littlest bit, I know, but he'll be up and around in no time. Please don't worry."

"We had a fight this morning," Eva confided suddenly. "I said something really awful to him. I just feel so bad."

"I see," her friend nodded knowingly. "It's just bad timing, that's all. You'll make it right when he feels better. And he will feel better."

"I hope you're right… about making amends. When he remembers what I said he is going to be very hurt."

"I am having a hard time believing it was that bad." Eva didn't want to have to explain everything so she remained silent. Katharine was the best kind of friend. She was always available, but didn't pry.

"It was. Oh… this is kind of strange, but right before I came to get you Hiram told me to ask you for something." Eva accepted the tea and waited for Katharine to sit with her before proceeding. "He wants you to tell me about a Captain Brooks?"

"Brooks?" Katharine bit her lip as she tried to recall the name. When it finally came to her, her face lit up and she clapped her hands to her chest. "Oh, yes… Captain Brooks. He was a remarkable fellow."

"Who was he?"

"When I first started nursing, the war was barely over. The majority of my patients were soldiers who were finally getting treatment for the wounds they suffered in battle. It was difficult. They were so young. So many were missing arms and legs or other physical scars from fighting. I remember I started to doubt if I was meant to be a nurse. I would be so depressed by the end of every day.

One day, though, I had a patient named Captain Brooks. He not only lost a leg, but he had this hideous scar from a bayonet that slashed his face from one corner of his mouth and took out his left eye. When I saw him the first time, I couldn't look him in the face, but he wished me a good morning and asked for my name. I was so nervous working with him at first, but he was so calm and so cheerful. He actually made me feel better. He was so at peace with the war and everything he had been through. I actually looked forward to seeing him everyday because he made me feel so good.

Finally I had to ask him, 'How can you be so happy and peaceful?' And he just smiled at me and said 'These scars aren't about the bad things that happened to me. When I look in the mirror and see my face or when I remember that I don't have my leg anymore, I look at those scars as a reminder that I survived. The men who died, they don't have scars.' Isn't that something?" Katharine shook her head at the memory.

"Incredible," Eva murmured. "How very wise."

"That is exactly what I said to him and he just dismissed it. He said there was a time when he was suicidal. He couldn't bear the thought of his family having to take care of him and look at his disfigurement. He said, 'I was a very vain man before the war, Katharine. If it weren't for my good looks, I would never have been able to convince the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.'"

"So, what happened?"

"He wrote to her and told her that he would not come home and force her to stare at his scar for the rest of her life. She replied that she would stare at the scars because…"

"… The scars meant he wasn't dead. That he survived." Eva finished the sentence. Katharine smiled and nodded.

"All she wanted was for him to live and come back to her. She loved him and she loved those scars. Two kinds of soldiers came through the war, Eva. One kind survived and lived life better, loved better and had an appreciation for what was really important. The other kind was a mere shell of their former selves. They didn't die of their wounds, but they didn't live very many years once the war was over. For whatever reason. "

"That's a wonderful story," Eva mused. "What happened to him?"

"Oh, his wife came and took him home. She was just like he described her to me, the most beautiful woman in the world. And she loved him so much. I took to telling my other patients about him… and her. It helped some come to terms with their scars. Not all, but some." Katharine paused and then gave Eva a strange look. "Why would Hiram want me to tell you that story?"

"I have to think about it and let you know," Eva shrugged. "I think I'll go check on him and see how he's doing."

"And I'm going to go home, fix some food and bring it over to you. You, little mother, need to keep yourself healthy." Katharine pulled Eva into her arms and hugged her. With that, she donned her coat and opened the front door. "Look at that! It's snowing! I'll be back in a little while."

Eva refilled the teapot with hot water and set a tray. She carried it carefully up the stairs and quietly entered the bedroom. She set it down and moved softly to the side of the bed. He was resting peacefully. He was still warm to her touch, but his face was dry. She caressed his hair and pulled the quilt tighter around him. As she did, his hand reached up and took hers. He held on a long moment before he let go.

"Don't wake up," she whispered. "Keep sleeping."

"I feel better," he mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes. "You took really good care of me."

"Katharine told me what to do," she answered. "I didn't have a clue."

"Oh," he answered. "You're a good student. Is she still here?"

"No, she went home. I'm going to let you sleep now."

"Wait," he grabbed her hand again. He opened his eyes a little. "Eva, you're a survivor. I hate so much that you were hurt, but… that woman who was hurt? I fell in love with her. She is the strongest, bravest woman I have ever known."

"I love you," she whispered through silent tears. "Please sleep now. We'll finish making up when you're better."

"One more thing… you were right. I am obsessed with your happiness. Your happiness is everything to me."

She leaned over him and kissed his head. He closed his eyes and released her hand. She crept out of the room.

As she walked past the nursery door, she stopped. She opened it and walked across the empty room to the window. She watched the snow fall on the street and sidewalks below. The flakes settled on everything she could see and it looked beautiful.

"It's snowing," she said aloud, touching her stomach as she did. "Everything looks clean and fresh and new. It's quite pretty. Of course it will all be gone by the time you get here." A smile stretched across her face. Her baby heard her voice and moved. She still wasn't sure how everything was going to work itself out, but she knew she would try harder. She had a very good feeling that it was going to be worth all the effort.


	5. Chapter 5: Christmas

**Disclaimer: don't own, not mine, blah blah blah**

**A/N: So, it's been a while. I could give excuses, but how pathetic would that be? And here it is, close to Easter and I'm finishing up a Christmas chapter. This is a nice fluffy Christmas chapter. It is rather long. I apologize, but I think the chapters are going to be more like episodes from here on out. Not sure, but that is how it is starting to shape up. Anyhoo… enjoy. **

Chapter Five: First Christmas

"I think," Eva pondered as she stood by the mammoth thing standing in her living room window, "that we should have been content with the smaller tree."

"A smaller tree? This is our very first tree! The standard by which all future Christmas trees will be measured! We will remember this tree forever! It had to be big!" Hiram exclaimed dramatically from his seat on the sofa.

"Oh, I'll remember it, alright," Eva teased. "I'll remember watching you dragging it up the street… wrestling it up the front steps… taking half an hour to push it through the front door…"

"The point is, darling, that you'll remember it." Hiram winked at her. He turned to his given task of stringing popcorn. He leaned toward the lamp at his side and then over his glasses at the needle as he tried to see what he was doing. His success was slow and if his fingers had anything to say about it, painful.

"I will admit that it is very pretty," Eva replied. She reached for more red ribbon to tie on the branches. "I think I have enough bows, but we'll need more popcorn. That string won't go around this beast more than twice."

Hiram stuck his thumb in his mouth as he winced. He lost track of how many times he stuck himself with the needle. "We're going to need more thumbs, too. I'm not very good at this, I'm afraid."

"I'm still trying to figure out how a doctor can have such a long career stitching people and acquire absolutely no skill with a needle and thread." Eva shook her head and laughed.

"I told you, it's different. Are you going to tell me that just because you know how to sew a shirt you could stitch up a wound?" He challenged defensively. Eva gave him a sideways glance before relenting.

"You make a good point," she said, laughing again. Hiram gave her a smug smile as he strung the last kernel and dropped the strand back in the bowl. He rubbed his tired eyes and stood up to stretch his body.

"I was much younger the last time I did this. So were my eyes." He blinked a few times and then inspected the progress. He approved. "This may sound silly, but I'm pretty excited for Christmas this year… I almost feel like a child about it."

"That's the way it should be," Eva agreed. "I've always loved it."

"I know, but the last few years became somewhat unbearable."

"Why was it so unbearable?" Eva slid her arm around his waist and joined him to admire their handiwork.

"Oh, I suppose because the loneliness was harder to ignore during Christmas. Friends saw to it that I always had a place for Christmas dinner, but I always felt like the uncle that got shuffled off to a different relation each year. 'We took him last year. It's your turn this year'. That sort of thing," he mused with a hint of sarcasm. "They meant well, of course, and I got used to it. Still, there would always be a moment when I wished the whole holiday would be done. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful. I had my share of laughs."

"No, I understand," Eva hugged his waist tighter. "I enjoyed our school party but once that was over, it seemed like such a let down. If you were the shuffled uncle, I was the pitiful aunt. You can be just as lonely in a room full of people as you can all by yourself," she said, then laughed. "I did eat well, though. I'm not sure I can replicate what were some of the finest Christmas dinners I've ever had. Those are the thoughts that make me miss Walnut Grove. We had dear friends, didn't we?"

Hiram loved when she showed signs of her real self, the woman that saw the good in people and circumstances. He never blamed her for the times when she couldn't smile or needed to be quietly by herself. Yet the reemergence of her humor and loving attitude told him that she was more than coping; she was healing. He turned and kissed her on the head.

"It may be big," she declared, giving her final approval. "But it is very pretty. I like it. And it makes our house smell so nice and woodsy… well done, husband. You picked a fine tree."

"I'm afraid I don't have enough blood left for more popcorn strands," he said, examining his thumbs again, handing her the ones he managed to finish.

"They're grand," she said, draping them gently around the tree. "And I'd rather you keep your thumbs, so your task is complete. Just in time, because I'm exhausted." She yawned to prove the point. He nodded in agreement. He took a bit longer to extinguish lamps and check locks so he could complete one last and secret mission.

He was being truthful about his excitement, but he did have one nagging doubt. He ordered a gift for her before he fully understood her apprehensions about motherhood. He prayed she would still love it and understand the loving sentiment behind it. He had moments when he wished he had just chosen to give her jewelry or some other pretty trinket that most men thought women liked to receive, but he knew Eva better than that. She was a sentimental woman who wanted to know why a gift was chosen more than the actual gift itself. She appreciated consideration.

It arrived just in the nick of time, too. He lingered at the clinic as long as he reasonably could the day before. It was the last stop on the poor delivery man's schedule but the doctor was able to throw a little extra money at him for help getting to its final destination. Even now he couldn't believe he was able to sneak it into his study without Eva noticing. He didn't even look at it for himself. He wanted to share the surprise on Christmas morning. He watched her disappear at the top of the stairs before quietly hauling it out of his study and placing it under the tree.

Eva listened intently to the movements at the bottom of the stairs. She was pretty sure she had successfully hidden Hiram's gift deep in the boughs of the tree when he was nursing his sore fingers, but the longer he was down there, the less confident she became.

It had taken her a long time to know what to give him. It wasn't that she had a hard time deciding, because nothing seemed adequate. She had considered a book of poetry, but ruled it out. While he was an educated man who appreciated many things, and while it might speak of love, his mind was scientific. It didn't seem like it fit. He was a practical man, but he needed nothing. She came right out and asked him, but he told her that she was the only thing he needed or wanted. It was a sweet sentiment, to be sure, but hardly useful at Christmas. It finally came to her like a vision. She only had to keep him from ruining it by snooping.

"Darling? Are you coming to bed?" she called.

"Yes, yes… on my way," he answered, his heart skipping a beat. He thought she was in bed.

"What are you doing?"

"No questions, my dear," he said secretly as he climbed the stairs. "No questions before Christmas. House rule."

"And no snooping," she met him at the top with a stern look. "That's my house rule."

"I wasn't snooping," he replied.

"Then what on earth…" Eva leaned around him to look where he had just come from.

"No snooping," he challenged with a grin. He took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom. "And no questions."

Eva woke up the next morning wrapped in his arms. The warmth of his body next to her was very comforting and she decided it was her favorite way to wake up. She snuggled deeper against him. He pulled her tighter and leaned his face to ear and wished her a groggy 'Merry Christmas'. She moved his hand to her belly.

"Someone is pretty excited that it's Christmas," she laughed. The baby was on the move. Any thoughts Eva had about staying in bed had been futile. "Or excited that it's almost time for breakfast."

She crawled out of bed, washed and dressed. As she headed toward the bedroom door, she was startled by a loud shout.

"Halt! Where do you think you're going?"

"Downstairs, of course. The coffee isn't going to make itself," she shot back.

"Not without me," he said, leaping out of bed and grabbing his robe. "No snooping, remember?"

"I would never!" Eva clutched her hand to her heart in mock offense. "I'm sure I wouldn't know what you are talking about. Besides, Baby Baker is demanding breakfast. I'm starving. If you want me to wait, you best hurry." Hiram met her at the door. They descended the stairs together. True to her word, Eva headed straight for the kitchen and started to prepare breakfast.

"What were Christmas mornings like when you were a child?" Hiram asked, starting a fire in the stove.

"Well," she said, thoughtfully. "When all of us children were old enough, we woke up and made breakfast so our mother could sleep longer if she wanted. I was in charge of muffins."

"Sounds delicious," he said, suddenly hungry.

"Good," she answered. "I thought I'd try and see if I can remember the recipe. Are there any Baker family traditions you'd like to carry on?"

"We had many traditions, nothing out of the ordinary. We decorated every room. My father seasoned the Yule log and let it burn all night. I can remember how the house used to smell when we'd wake up every Christmas morning. We went to church together. When we got home, my father's business partner joined us for the dinner that my mother spent days preparing. My mother was the center of all of it, though. Once she got sick, she couldn't keep up with all the work of it. I tried to be helpful, but in the end we kept it simple and eventually…" his voice trailed off. "… but I can still smell the Yule log." He sat back in his chair and smiled.

"Next year I want a Yule log," Eva said affectionately. "I think that would be nice."

"If you asked me to lasso the moon, I would do it," he answered.

"A simple log would do," she laughed. Within minutes she had muffins baking and coffee ready, hot and strong. While she waited for them, she started preparing the turkey for its turn in the oven. She guessed aloud that dinner would be ready on time for them to visit the Weber in the evening for their Christmas party.

"I'm exhausted just thinking about everything you're going to do," Hiram marveled. She smiled proudly. She wiped her hands on her apron and walked across the room to him. He gently eased her onto his lap.

"I'm getting too big for this," she moaned, but she liked when he wanted to hold her and would let him while she still could manage it. She placed her arm around his neck and kissed him. "You are worth all the work. Enjoy it. Next year might be a different story."

"Another Christmas of firsts," he observed. "I'm a blessed man."

"Oh! Muffins!" Eva tried to get up but struggled. She couldn't imagine how she would move in a few months when she was near the end of pregnancy. "Oh, help me!" Hiram laughed and held her until she got a sure footing and then steadied her before letting her rush to the oven.

After muffins and coffee were consumed and dinner was settled nicely in the oven for the next few hours, Hiram ordered Eva to close her eyes while he escorted her to the living room. He set her on the sofa. She opened her eyes to a large package wrapped in a plain white sheet and twine. The doctor had removed the shipping instructions the night before, but left it just as it arrived. He sent up a quick silent prayer that it was what he expected and that she would like it.

"Oh, my," she gasped. It was too big for her to lift, so she lowered herself to the floor to open it. As she did, it moved slightly back and forth. "What could it be?" Hiram wouldn't reveal a clue. He just wanted her to hurry.

She pulled the sheet off to reveal a beautiful floor cradle. It was a like a little house, expertly and ornately carved around its entirety. Eva let out a gasp of awe as she ran her hand over the smooth finish. Each side was plain except for a flourishing 'B' carved and painted in bright gold.

"It is simply beautiful, Hiram! I don't know what to say," she could barely get the words to form. "It's a cradle for a prince!"

"Or princess," he added, quite in awe himself. It was grander than he imagined it would be. "Tip it and look on the bottom." He crouched down to help her. Confused, she obeyed. She glanced over the underside until she found what he wanted her to see; the craftsman put his brand solidly in at the foot of the cradle. It simply read, "C.I." Her eyes widened.

"C.I.? You mean, Charles Ingalls…"

"I commissioned him to make this a few weeks after we settled in. He was quite pleased and eager to make it for you. Do you really like it? I have to admit I was worried it might not…"

"Oh, yes," she interrupted, knowing what he was going to say. "It's perfect, so very perfect. I can't believe you thought of this. I couldn't have asked for a nicer present, Hiram. Thank you very much." She wanted to say more, but emotions caught in her throat.

He lowered the cradle back upright and noticed that it was not empty. He lifted several packages out of the bed and handed them to her.

"What's all this?" she laughed, quickly wiping a small tear.

"I have no idea," he admitted. "I only ordered a cradle. Open them."

The first package was a small quilt made from red and blue calico. A small card wished her a happy Christmas from Caroline and the girls. It had a familiar hint of scent; Lemon Verbena. She held it out for her husband to sniff. He said it smelled like her.

"What a sweet idea," she pondered. She didn't have to wonder whose thoughtful touch it was. She imagined that Laura knew it would be a comfort for her baby. She folded it gently and rested it in the cradle. It was the perfect bed. She held up another package, read a small label and handed it back to Hiram.

"For me?" He tore open the paper and discovered a string of handmade beads painted brightly. There was also a small wooded dowel sanded smooth with bells attached at the tip. He shook it gently and a delightful sound rattled throughout the room. "What a clever man…" Hiram leaned over and shook the rattle near the baby. "Here, baby! Your first toy! Merry Christmas!" Eva smiled as she rubbed her stomach.

"I'd say he likes it," she laughed. She took a turn admiring the trinkets. There was one more package marked for her. There was a note tucked in the folds of the paper that she opened. A look of surprise spread across her face.

"Who is that from?" Hiram asked.

"It's from Mare Sanders, my replacement…" she read the note silently. As she smiled, tears began to well again. She held the unopened package to her breast. "Oh, Hiram… these are all letters from my students. Isn't it amazing? I'm so overwhelmed right now…" Hiram couldn't speak either. It was so like the Ingalls to take a simple (or not so simple, if he was honest) request and make it so much more than he could have dreamed. He watched as a peaceful look came over his wife.

"Go ahead and read one," he urged.

"Oh, I'm not going to read them just now, but I can't wait. No, right now there is something else that I need to do." She stood up and reached into the branches of the tree and withdrew a small box, wrapped in shiny red paper and tied with a white ribbon. She handed it to him. "I was going to torture you and make you find it, but after all this, I couldn't do that to you, darling. Merry Christmas. I hope you like it."

Hiram kissed the hand that gave it to him, got up to sit comfortably on the sofa as he pulled the bow apart. He unfolded the paper and lifted the lid. Inside were two rings. He lifted one and held it up to the light of the window. It was a simple gold band, but it sparkled in the sunlight. As he turned it over in his hand, he noticed there were words engraved on the inside:

_**Give me a thousand kisses…**_

He reached in the box for the other ring, a small similar band. Inside was the rest of the sentiment:

… _**And then a thousand more.**_

"I… I don't know what to say, Eva," he managed in a silent choking breath. She moved to his side and took the first ring from his palm, held his left hand and placed the ring on his finger.

"I've always said that there isn't anything I would change about our wedding," she said quietly and thoughtfully. "But then I remembered that there was something missing. There was no time for rings and so I thought this would be a good time to fix that. Hiram, this ring… it isn't about gratitude, even though I am thankful for everything you gave up to help me when I was without hope. And it isn't about how much I need you, even though I need you like I need air to breathe. It isn't about what you've done for me, but who you are. It's about my heart beating faster whenever you walk in the door. It's about your sweet kisses, your warm embrace and how there is no where on God's earth that I would rather be than by your side. I love you with all my heart, now and forever."

Hiram couldn't hold back any longer. He knew that she loved him, but her words washed over him like a warm cleansing rain. He searched himself for a handkerchief, but came up empty. He wiped his eyes with his robe sleeve, gave a sheepish laugh and cleared his throat. He took Eva's left hand, placed the other ring on her finger, and lifted it to his lips for a lingering kiss.

"Eva, I have never doubted your feelings for me. Everyday I marvel as more and more of your beauty is revealed to me and to me alone. This life I have with you is a precious thing to me. I'm not sure I deserve it, but I don't intend to ever give it up. No one has ever meant more to me than you and I pledge my love to you until I can no longer draw breath." They sat and stared at their intertwined hands. They fit together perfectly now.

"You may now kiss the bride," Eva announced. He leaned toward her obediently and kissed her lips and moved slowly over her cheek and jaw until he reached her ear. He inhaled her and felt instantly intoxicated by sheer emotions.

She moaned as she felt his warm breath on her throat. It was a perfect moment, better than she had anticipated as she chose the rings and labored over the engraving. As she settled comfortably in his arms, she stared at the beautiful cradle once more. 'B' for Baker… a precious bed, not for her child, but for their child, an heirloom that would rock generations of their family for years. She let out a contended sigh and then started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Hiram asked, puzzled.

"This is the perfect Christmas. How are we ever going to match it next year?"

"I know! We'll get an even bigger tree!"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Alright, my patient readers… I have been laboring forever to get another chapter or two banged out for my beloved Hiram and Eva, but it has been very difficult, mostly because my brain is churning out ideas for other stories and doing absolutely nothing to help me with these two. I had one almost ready to roll and it got deleted in a most insanely stupid way. It was an adorable interchange that had to do with housekeepers and chickens… and I have tried so hard to rewrite it and alas, I cannot satisfactorily do so. BITES! So… I said to myself, "Self, Eva needs to have this baby already." So here it is… baby Baker arrives. If the subject of chickens comes up, just roll with it… **

**Disclaimer: don't own, not mine, blah blah blah…**

Chapter Six

Eva woke up knowing that it was the day. She couldn't explain why, she just had a feeling that by the end of the day she would finally get to meet the child that was the source of so much anxiety and anticipation. The feeling wasn't so much physical as it was heartfelt. She didn't feel any labor, but there was something going on, something like a stone starting to roll down a hill.

It was barely sunrise. Her husband slept soundly at her side. Let him sleep, she told herself. Nothing was actually happening and there was no point in making it more than it was: a feeling.

She slipped out of bed quietly and put on Hiram's robe, her own no longer fitting around her body. Before heading down the stairs, she stopped to admire the nursery for the hundredth time since it was finished. Hiram spent an entire day giving the walls a fresh coat of paint. He surprised her with furniture, including a solid rocking chair. Katharine supplied her with beautiful pictures to hang around the room. She contributed new curtains and Johanna Allender, their new housekeeper, lent her talents with hand drawn accents around the doors and windows, small touches that made it even more precious. Each of these additions to the nursery reminded her how blessed her life had become.

For a brief moment, she let herself remember the darker thoughts that she had for this room and this baby. She was still healing then. She had to learn that this baby, though conceived in violence and brutal shame, would be born in true love and peace. She had the man sleeping in the room next door to thank for it, and she vowed to herself and to him to never forget it. This was his baby because he loved it. It didn't even feel like a well guarded secret. It was a fact.

She made her way slowly down the steps and to the kitchen. She built up the fire in the stove, put water on for tea. She lowered herself into a chair and lifted a piece of burlap that lay across a wide crate at her feet.

"Good morning, girls. My, you are getting so big," she cooed softly at the six chicks that climbed over each other and bumped into the sides of the box. She gently picked one up and nuzzled it before putting it back. "I know this nasty thing isn't a very proper home, but someday soon we'll have your palace all ready for you in the yard. Won't that be nice?"

Hiram's growing concern for Eva's health and wellbeing as time went on prompted him to want to hire someone to help her with household responsibilities. Eva, for the first time in her life with her own home to keep, refused such an idea until she decided she wanted to raise some chickens. Hiram, who had been paid in more chickens than he cared to remember back in Walnut Grove, thought the idea completely ridiculous. What had become known as the Great Chicken Compromise resulted in each getting what they wanted.

Eva would never let her husband know that the addition of Johanna to the household also provided her with companionship and comfort that she didn't realize she really wanted and she said a prayer of thanksgiving every day for the young, industrious bundle of energy that now occupied a room in their home and hearts. She suspected that Hiram also enjoyed the entertainment value of the chickens (they were so much fun to watch) and looked forward to the fresh eggs they would eventually produce.

She sat back and closed her eyes and gave a contented sigh. Her hand drifted over her stomach repeatedly. Yes, she was sure that this was going to be the day.

Finally she could hear the sounds of someone creeping down the back staircase. Her solitude was over for the day, but she didn't mind.

"Good morning, ma'am," Johanna whispered, finding an apron and double checking the kettle. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Oh, I just got up a few minutes ago. I can only find a comfortable position for so long," Eva replied, not complaining, just stating a fact. "I hope you don't mind my company."

"In your own home? I should hope not," Johanna laughed. "I like my quiet and I like my company. It's all the same to me." Johanna was a surprise to Eva when she showed up on her door those few short weeks earlier. For some reason she was convinced that Hiram would hire a sturdy gray haired woman who would scrutinize the way she did everything, and it worked her up into quite a state of nerves.

Johanna was the opposite. Barely twenty years of age, she did her work efficiently but without comment. She was more than capable in the kitchen. In fact, Eva found herself studying the way she did everything, her own cooking skills somewhat under developed. Johanna was plain, but had an inner quality that made her pretty. Her hair was light brown and strait and worn loose except for a few strands pinned on the back of her head to keep them out of her face. She looked as young as she was, but she seemed to have an old soul.

Her first reaction to such a young girl moving into the home was that her husband must have lost his mind. She knew he loved her and improper thoughts never entered her mind, but she noticed the raised eyebrows of her friends who happened to meet Johanna and it suddenly seemed scandalous that there was this young girl in their home. In the end, she didn't care. Johanna was capable and lovely. Most importantly she needed them as much as they needed her. It was a completely perfect arrangement.

"Can I help do anything?" Eva asked as she struggled to heave herself out of the chair. She asked the same question every morning and got the same answer back.

"No, sit and be still, little mother," Johanna smiled as she worked.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure, I like secrets," Johanna replied.

"I think I'm going to have a baby today."

"Is that so?" Johanna didn't flinch. "You thought you were going to have the baby yesterday. And I think you thought you were going to have the baby on Monday."

"Today is different," Eva pressed. "I feel something different." Johanna finally stopped and looked up.

"Do you have labor now?"

"No, not labor… I just feel like my body is getting ready to do something," she explained.

"Well, maybe you will. We'll be ready if you do." Johanna returned to her chore.

"Everyone thinks I'm going to have a boy," Eva said somewhat randomly. "I guess a boy would be nice."

"I think women are afraid to raise a boy and so they wish for girls, but boys are wonderful. You get to fall in love with a son. I mean, in a way you can't fall in love with a daughter. That is for the father to do, I guess."

"I hadn't really thought of it like that. I just want this baby to be healthy and strong. And out of me."

Eva could hear the movement of her husband and so she waddled back up the stairs to watch him get ready for work. She would tell him about her feelings. He would politely humor her like Johanna and then leave for the clinic as usual. She hoped she really did have this baby today if for no other reason than to be right for once.

"Good morning, my love," Eva smiled as she opened the bedroom door. She drew close to him as he stood at the mirror and tied his tie. She moved her hands over his and took over.

"I might not get to do this for a while," she commented. "I think today might be the day." Hiram winked as she finished. He lifted her chin gently and lowered his lips to hers for a quick kiss.

"That would be wonderful," he said lovingly. "I am just as eager to meet this boy as you are."

"Boy? You are sure it's going to be a boy?"

"Yes, I think I am. I don't know how to explain it, but I just keep picturing a boy. When I try to think of a girl, it just doesn't work. Maybe it's doctor's intuition."

"I don't think there is such a thing, not when it comes to this," Eva chided.

"Well, if it's a girl, I won't be disappointed as long as she looks exactly like you." Eva sighed. She was thinking the same thing but for different reasons.

"Johanna is making biscuits again, with sausage gravy. Hope you're hungry."

"I could eat a horse as long as it came with Johanna's sausage gravy." Hiram took his wife's hand and led her down the stairs. He had to admit that she looked more than ready to deliver. It would be early if it did happen today, but not too early.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So I got carried away… I've chopped the arrival of Baby Baker into more than one chapter. I don't think anyone will care. I should note that I have never given birth myself… my two sons came to me the Walnut Grove way: adopted. Therefore my attempts at writing about it could be completely wrong. My apologies to those of you who have been there if I don't do it justice.**

Chapter Seven

They sat down for breakfast, including Johanna. The only rule that Eva demanded upon the arrival of her young housekeeper was that the girl eat with them, not by herself like some second class citizen. Hiram didn't put up any protest and while Johanna didn't think it was proper, finally admitted that she was glad she didn't have to eat alone.

"So our girl thinks today is the day," Hiram said to Johanna before taking a bite of food. "I hate to leave her if it's true, but I trust you can take care of her."

"Oh, I imagine I can handle it," Johanna replied. "Not my first time, you know. I helped my mother deliver three times."

"How big is your family?" Eva asked, wanting to know more about her young friend.

"I have an older brother and four younger brothers." She said it like they were facts about someone else. There maybe be more by now, she thought to herself. Her father had a new wife, barely older than she was. It was bound to happen eventually if it hadn't already.

"I came from a large family, too" Eva said. "But I was somewhere in the middle." Johanna just nodded and smiled. Eva sensed she didn't want to talk about family. "So… you know about babies? More than I do, I should think."

"There's nothing to it, really. You'd be amazed how fast you learn."

"That's what I keep trying to tell her, but she won't listen to me." Hiram winked at his wife.

"Pardon me for being nervous," she pouted at the both of them. "There's a reason most women do this when they are much younger, when they don't know better. Who has their first baby at my age? I'm practically a freak!"

Hiram heard this all before. He could name dozens of women he tended that started families late in life, but it never did any good. She was self conscious and apprehensive. It was normal and the only thing that would make it stop was for her to have the baby and see for herself how capable she truly was.

"You're age? You're so old, are you?" Johanna replied sarcastically. Eva looked at her with surprise. She wasn't sure if it was a joke or an insult. She didn't think it was a compliment. "It all happens the same way. Babies are special no matter how old the mother."

"Yes," Eva said, feeling scolded like a child. She set her fork down gently before her hand started to tremble.

Hiram finished his breakfast in silence, not particularly pleased with what had just happened. He leaned toward Eva and put his hand over hers, wanting her to look up at him.

"I think the important thing to remember, darling, is that when this is all over, no matter how it happens, it will be worth it. That baby is going to adore you for all the things you do right and forgive you for anything you do wrong because this baby will love you." He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. Eva relaxed. She just needed to hear him say that. He stood up and gave her a proper kiss goodbye before leaving.

"Delicious breakfast, as always," he announced, catching the housekeeper's eye. He nodded toward the hall indicating he wished to speak to her in private.

"Johanna," he said evenly once they were out of earshot. "I'm not really sure what just happened, but please don't talk to her like that, not about babies. Her fears aren't petty, not to me. They are very real and she doesn't need anyone making her feel bad about them. It has taken her a long time… well, I know you mean well, but try to be a little bit softer with her." He stopped himself from explaining too much. Johanna instantly felt ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Baker," she said in a low voice. "It won't happen again. I promise."

"Now, don't hang your head, "He replied softly. "Only happy people live here. If she happens to be right about today, you let Mrs. Weber know as soon as you can. I admit I wouldn't mind all of this being over soon."

"Yes, sir," Johanna smiled in relief. "That would be nice." He put on his hat and headed out the door. Johanna closed it tight behind him and slowly returned to the kitchen. Eva had started clearing the table while she was gone.

"Mrs. Baker… I'm terribly sorry for what I said. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel bad about yourself."

"I know that. Don't even think about it. You weren't wrong. This baby doesn't know how old I am, right? Even if it did, nothing is going to happen differently." She stopped and stared at the sad young girl and a thought suddenly occurred to her. "Johanna? Did I say something to make you react that way?"

"Oh, I don't know what made me go on like that," she laughed off the question.

"You don't have to tell me, but I'm willing to listen." Eva piled the dishes in the sink and sat back down.

"I know," Johanna said with appreciation. "Only happy people live here." Eva smiled back. If she only knew that wasn't always the case.

"Well, that is certainly the hope," she answered. "I'm going to go make the bed and get dressed. Why don't you finish the dishes and make some more tea and we'll just talk. If this baby is coming today, we should probably exert ourselves as little as possible. Ok?" She turned and walked toward the steps, but stopped at the kitchen threshold. "On second thought, I'll just go climb back in bed. When you're finished, come and keep me company?" Johanna stopped what she was doing and rushed to her side.

"What is it? What happened?"

"Oh, nothing serious, I just realized that I've climbed these stairs twice already and the thought of doing it a third is less appealing." She took Johanna's arm and let her help her up the steps.

"You take it easy and I'll be right back," Johanna ordered her before leaving. She didn't believe her story which was fine because Eva wasn't telling the truth anyway.

Eva straightened the bed covers and fluffed the pillows. She slowly walked to the windows and drew the curtains to let in the daylight. The sky was dark and threatened to rain. She heard the front door close and in seconds she could see Johanna running across the street. There is no fooling her, she thought.

"Well, baby dearest, you better decide to come today. There is about to be a major fuss about nothing if you don't." She rubbed her stomach and waddled back toward the bed. She tossed the robe on a chair and then backed into bed, swinging her legs under the covers. She stared around the room wondering what women normally do when they are waiting like this. She wasn't in any great pain, in fact she felt really great. She reached for the book by her bed and flipped through the pages. She didn't want to read.

Finally she heard the door open and a flurry of footsteps rapidly climbing up to her. Johanna burst through the door followed by Katharine.

"So today is the big day, is it?" her friend beamed as she took off her coat and handed it to Johanna. "What exactly are you feeling?"

"Oh, I don't feel a thing," Eva replied, shrugging of the excitement. "I had a small cramp a while ago but nothing since. It hardly hurt."

"Well, stay where you are and we'll take care of everything. Do you need anything?"

"Just your company. Johanna was going to bring up some tea so we could talk," Eva said, looking at the young woman standing by the door. She nodded and disappeared.

"It could be a while before we can even start thinking about a baby," Katharine informed her. "I'll send Simon to the clinic to get Hiram later. No point in getting him all worked up just yet. You feel good about everything? Ready?"

"Oh, probably not, but what can I do now?" Eva laughed. Katharine pulled the chair close to the bed and took Eva's hand and smiled.

"You're beautiful, you know that? This baby is going to be a heartbreaker if he's as good looking as you." Eva blushed.

"Everyone is so sure it's a boy. I hope no one is disappointed."

"A girl would be precious. Maybe your next one…"

"Next one? I didn't even plan on having this one." She didn't mean to say that. Katharine didn't react.

"I loved having babies. Some women are so miserable when they carry but I loved every moment of those nine months. I felt the best I ever felt then. I'm quite jealous, I might add. Just you wait and see. It is all going to be worth it."

"From your mouth to God's ears, my friend."

Johanna arrived with the service and poured for the guest. Eva waved it away. The three women sat in silence, the youngest looking uncomfortable. Eva remembered that before Katharine showed up, they were going to probably talk about things that were too sensitive to talk about in front of her. She shot an apologetic look at the girl. Johanna sat up straight and cleared her throat.

"Ma'am, I would like to show you something if it's alright." She reached into her skirt pocket and pulled out a small white piece of paper that was rolled carefully and tied with a blue ribbon. She untied it and handed it to Eva. She unrolled the paper and gasped.

"How amazing! Who did this?" It was a small sketch of a sleeping baby, so life like and detailed that Eva half expected it to open its eyes and look at her. "Did you?" Johanna nodded as Eva passed it to Katharine to admire.

"You are quite gifted, Johanna!" the older woman exclaimed. "Such delicate lines and so natural. Is this someone you know?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "That's my son Lucas."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

_"Yes," she said quietly. "That's my son Lucas."_

Both women looked at her but said nothing. Katharine looked at the picture again and then handed it back to Eva.

"He died when he was a couple months old. He was always sick, but I drew him healthy… don't you think he looks healthy?"

"He looks perfect," Eva said softly, handing it gently back to her, suddenly realizing it was more than just paper.

"I drew lots of pictures of him, but this is my favorite," Johanna said, tying the ribbon and placing it back in her pocket. "I should probably let you know that I was married when I had him. Most people wonder if I was, since I'm young. I'm not what most people picture when they hear the word 'widow', I guess." Katharine reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Johanna appreciated it very much.

Eva suddenly realized how thoughtless her words earlier must have seemed to the poor girl. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"Oh, the story isn't very interesting. I basically married my husband so I could run away from home. I didn't love him. He wasn't a very good man, you see. Lucas was born and died during our trip west. Martin died three days later. I don't even think he knew his son died."

"Were you all alone?" Katharine was enthralled.

"No, we were traveling with a group. My husband was a drinker and offended everyone on that trip. He stole from them, bullied them. It was humiliating the whole way. The others tolerated me until we reached Minneapolis. If Dr. Baker didn't ask me to work here…" her voice trailed off. She let a soft laugh cover her tears.

"You poor thing," Eva cried with her. "I had no idea, Johanna, but it sure explains a lot. You never seemed as young as you are. You are truly an amazing person and I'm proud to know you." Johanna smiled as she let another sob escape. No one ever said she was worth knowing. Eva reached out her arms and the girl willingly accepted an embrace.

"I second that," Katharine joined in. "And might I add to it, a fine artist! Do you have any other drawings?"

"Oh, a few," Johanna shrugged. "It's embarrassing."

"No! Go and get them! We're stuck here waiting, and that would be a marvelous way to pass some time!" Eva grabbed her hands and pleaded for her to do it. Johanna stood up and shrugged, but left to fetch the rest. When she returned, she carried a small leather folder. She opened them and took them out, passing one to each of the women who couldn't wait to see.

"This is another picture of Lucas," she explained, handing one to Eva. "And this is just a sketch of his little feet. I couldn't help it, they were so cute." Katharine brought her hand to her mouth and sighed. "The rest are just pictures. I don't really need to explain them."

"They are so wonderful," Eva said with true admiration. "Will you sketch my baby? If it ever decides to be born, that is?"

"Oh, I planned to do that anyway, as a surprise," she answered sheepishly. "I guess that's been ruined. It will be a pleasure. Here… I want you to have this one." She pulled one last picture out of the folder and handed it to Eva. It was a drawing of Hiram's face. It was a spot on likeness of him. He was looking down, deep in thought.

"When did this happen?"

"Oh, I happened to see him sitting like that one night," she explained. "I just remember a moment and then sketch it on my own time. He has an interesting face. Do you like it? Do you think he'll like it?"

"I don't care if he likes it, I love it! You really do have a gift, Johanna. Thank you for sharing it with us." Johanna silently returned the sketches to her book and set them aside. It felt good to be honest. It felt even better not to be judged for it.

Eva handed the picture to Katharine to put somewhere out of the way. She bit her lip and worked up the courage to ask the question she had been dying to ask someone for months.

"Katharine, what's it like?"

"What?"

"You know…"

"Oh, my dear, that! I won't tell you not to be nervous because you will be anyway, and I won't even try to pretend there isn't pain because… well, there's pain. The only thing I can say is that you shouldn't think too much about what's actually happening to your body because you'll go crazy. There's a reason they call it a miracle."

"Amen," Johanna muttered. She blushed when she realized she said it out loud.

"What if I can't handle it?" Eva asked, her voice cracking a bit.

"Oh, you will. You might have a few moments of doubt, but you will. You're healthy and strong and we won't let you quit." Katharine gave her a look of motherly reassurance. Eva's face still furrowed with worry.

"I never thought I'd ever have a baby," she said. "I never bothered to pay attention to the horror stories over the years. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't know. I just wish I knew what to expect." Johanna listened quietly but finally decided to speak.

"Instead of thinking about what you don't know, think about what you do know. You do know that Dr. Baker has been through this a lot of times and he won't let anything bad happen to you. And you know we're here to take care of you no matter what happens. You're not alone."

"That's true, isn't it? I'm in good hands." Eva relaxed a little. She tilted her head and watched Johanna for a moment. "Were you alone? Were you in good hands?"

"I had a decent mid-wife," she shrugged. "The woman loathed my husband but it probably didn't help that he wasn't there for it. I guess you could say I was alone, but it was a familiar feeling so I didn't think anything of it at the time. It would have been nice if someone was there to hold my hand for a while.

"Mrs. Baker, the only thing I can say to answer what it is like is this; it seemed like it took forever, but then the midwife handed Lucas to me and all the pain and the screaming and the crying… and all the loneliness… it just melted from my memory when I saw him for the first time." Katharine nodded in agreement and winked at Eva.

"Oh, my…" At that exact moment, something happened. Eva felt another cramp, but this time it lasted longer and caused her to gasp. She rubbed her hand over her belly when it finally stopped. "That… was a little bigger than last time." She looked at the others sheepishly.

"It could still be a while, but should I send Simon to tell Hiram what's happening?" Katharine stood up. Eva nodded. She needed Hiram near by. There were things she wanted to say to him before the baby came. "I'll leave you in Johanna's good care and come back after a little while." She reached over to her friend and kissed her on the cheek before leaving.

Eva knew it was going to be a long time and she felt restless just sitting in bed. She looked at her young housekeeper who seemed even more restless than she was. She slid over in her bed to make room and patted the space next to her, inviting her to sit close by.

"Johanna, I'm very glad you told me about Lucas. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I suppose that all this is pretty difficult for you considering that you lost your son." She put her arm around her to comfort her. Johanna put her head down and started to cry.

"Oh, Mrs. Baker, my loss will not keep me from being happy for you at all, you should know that. But I am afraid about something," she said, wiping the tears from her cheek. "I'm afraid that what I told you will make you think badly about me."

"I could never…" Eva felt her heart breaking for the poor girl in her arms.

"I'm not from a very good family and my marriage, God knows, did not leave me with much to offer the world but bitterness and anger. That's what I'm worried about, that I'm a hard person after all. I said something unkind to you this morning…"

"Johanna, that has been already forgotten."

"Your husband was not happy with me, but when he spoke to me, he was not harsh and did it quietly so I wasn't humiliated… just like I think a good father would speak to a daughter, you know? It made me even more ashamed of myself. You've been so kind to let me work for you and I want you to know that I'm very grateful." Johanna felt the hot tears falling. Eva pulled her closer and let her rest her head in her arms.

"We have a lot in common, you and me. We've both have things in our past that have hurt us and make us worry about what others would think about us if they knew. You're braver than me because you can talk about it. If I ever become as brave, I know I can tell you and you'd understand. That makes me the grateful one, Johanna. You don't have to be afraid, not of me. And not of Dr. Baker, either." Eva smoothed her hand over the girl's hair, rocking her with gentle reassurance.

"I don't want him to be sorry he chose me…"

"If you knew how much that man has been through because of me, you would know he doesn't give up on anyone that easy," Eva said with all the love she had in her heart for him. She added with a quiet laugh, "Besides, you're a better cook by far. He knows a good thing." Johanna finally allowed her self to feel relief.

"I'm sure he does. Thank you," she said as she sat up and wiped her face. Eva's smile dropped quick as another contraction started. She held on to Johanna until it stopped a few moments later.

"Now, I know you don't want to, but I'm going to make you get some rest. I'll be in my room so you don't have to holler too loud if you need me," Johanna moved away from the bed and toward the door. Eva couldn't come up with a good argument, so she closed her eyes and tried to nap.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Labor started not too gently but not unbearably so for Eva. She finally found a position that enabled her to close her eyes. The last thing she thought to herself was that she was not going to be able to sleep before actually drifting.

When she woke up, she could tell she was no longer alone. Her eyes fluttered open. Sitting on the bed next to her was her husband, pillows propped behind his back. He had his arms folded and his head was down on his chest. She had no idea how long he had been there, but it was clearly long enough for him to fall asleep, too. She struggled to sit up and her motion woke up him. He turned a loving eye toward her.

"How long have I been…," she didn't finish her question. The pain made her hold her breath. Hiram rubbed her back and waited patiently for it to pass, which it did soon enough. "How long did I sleep?"

"It's only been a couple hours," he said. "I'm proud of Johanna. When I tell women to get rest, they never listen. How do you feel?" He continued to rub her back even after the contraction passed.

"Oh, darling… what have I gotten myself into," she whined, but not seriously. "I feel alright now, the pain isn't too bad, but I know it is going to be much worse. I don't think I'll be able to handle it." He nodded sympathetically. He wasn't worried. He knew she could.

"I have no doubt that you can do this," he encouraged. "I've told you before and I'll tell you again: you are a lot stronger than you think. I'm not sure even I give you enough credit." Eva ducked her head as he said it. If anything, she thought, he gave her too much credit.

"You are my strength," she said quietly. "I mean it, Hiram. I'm glad you're here now because I want to say so much to you before everything goes… crazy." He turned to her and waited. Suddenly she couldn't remember anything she wanted to say. He patted her hand, letting her off the hook.

"No," she said, determined to talk to him. "You need to hear this. I want you to hear this. My problem is that I don't know where to start. I know we are in a good place to have this baby. No woman could want more than I have and all of it is because of you. Thank you, darling."

"Eva," he said softly. "Don't thank me. If I've given anything to make you happy, it's been returned to me a hundred times by now. And it's still coming back to me… we're about to have a baby. It's something I never thought would ever happen for me. I can't even begin to express…" His voice trailed off. He just gave a gentle smile as he put an arm around her and pulled her to his side. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Sometimes I think about what could have been," she explained. "Oh, I know there's no point in doing that, but… I do. I was so sure that if anyone knew what happened, the shame would destroy me. It never entered my mind that anyone would be kind but you were. But then you kept saying that you loved me and that seemed impossible," Eva stopped for a moment. "You've proven the impossible to me, Hiram. I still can't believe it sometimes, but I finally have so much peace that I can't deny it. If you're sure I can handle having this baby now, I can't do anything but believe you."

"That's good to hear you say," he answered. "I know you can handle it. No doubt whatsoever."

His hand on her shoulder started to play with her hair. Hiram was glad she was content to be quiet for a while until he could feel her become tense against his side. He moved his arm to start rubbing her back again. He tried to make a note of how long it lasted and how much time had passed since the last one, but he couldn't. Watching her suffer even the smallest labor pain was hard. Eva let out a long sigh and chuckled.

"I told you today is going to be the day," she teased.

"You did," he laughed. His smile slowly faded as he leaned toward her and kissed her on the head. She looked at his serious face and became worried.

"What is it? Is something wrong? If something is wrong you have to tell me…" she started to panic.

"Oh, no… nothing like that," he assured her. "Everything is fine."

"No, it's not," she insisted. "Talk to me, Hiram." He pulled her to his side again.

"I don't want to tell you because the last thing you need to hear is that I'm afraid," he said with a humorless laugh.

"Of what?!"

"Fatherhood," he said simply. "It's a humbling thought that I'm going to be responsible for raising a child. I'm not sure I know what to do." Eva nodded with a clever grin.

"It seems to me…," she said, holding her finger to her chin in a pensive pose. "That someone told me, just this morning as a matter of fact, that this child will adore me for the things I do right and forgive me for what I do wrong. Who said that? Hmmm, let me think…" Hiram gave a small laugh.

"I did," he admitted. "And I meant it. Your point is well taken." Eva snuggled closer as she laughed at him. "I'm just… overwhelmed with love for this baby that we haven't even met yet. It is so strong that it frightens me. I loved my father all my life until my mother died. After that, it just… it wasn't good. We could barely be friends. I loved him because he was my father, but I didn't like him. I want our baby to like me."

"Hiram, you are liked by everyone," Eva said. "I wouldn't worry. Aren't we a pair, scared of a little baby?" She remembered Johanna's sketch. She found it and handed it to Hiram. "Johanna drew that, isn't it marvelous?" Hiram winced.

"I look old," he complained.

"You look handsome and smart and… I'm going to put it in a frame and hang it in the nursery."

"I didn't know that Johanna could do that. She's very good," he said, taking a closer look.

"There's a lot about Johanna you probably don't know, darling. She's an incredible woman. I'm so glad you hired her."

"I am too," he agreed. "She's worked out very well."

"She told me that you spoke to her about what she said this morning," Eva explained. "She told me that she thought you spoke to her the way a nice father would talk to a daughter. You were kind and didn't humiliate her. Those were her words. So you see, you have the ability to be a good, kind, considerate father. I have faith in you." Hiram was glad to hear the story.

He didn't know what to say in response, but it didn't matter because at that moment, another pain shot across Eva's body. She closed her eyes and moaned when it didn't go away as quickly as the last one.

"That was the longest one so far," she said breathlessly. "Is that good?"

"I only made the mistake of telling a woman her contractions were good once," Hiram answered. "It does mean that we're getting there and that is a good thing. Is there anything you'd like?"

"I'd like to get out of this bed," she said. Hiram instantly stood up and offered her his hand. She gratefully took it and stood up. It felt good to walk around a bit. She reached up and rested her hands on her husband's face. "I'm glad you're here. I love you." She gently pulled his face down to hers and kissed him.

**A/N: Ok, so still no baby… but it's coming. Boy? Girl? I know but you have to wait. Mwahaha… sorry. Please leave a review. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I guess I need to remember the disclaimer: not mine, don't own, blah blah blah**

Chapter Ten

The sun had gone down a little less than hour when Eva was begging her husband to do something, anything to end her misery. The pains were constant and intense. She had hoped against hope that the horrific stories she heard about childbirth were simply exaggerations told by women to garner sympathy. She was not happy to be so wrong.

Weeks before she was expected to deliver, they had discussed Hiram's role. He even asked advice from Sam Weber who was not only a good friend but also another doctor who had been through it three times.

"I did not deliver my children," he said quite decidedly. "The truth is I haven't delivered that many babies in my career. Even if I had, I don't think it would have mattered. Emotionally you can't be the doctor and the father to be. You need to walk the floor like every expectant father since the dawn of time. You can't watch your wife be in such pain and be as level headed as you need to be. I strongly believe that you should just be the husband and father, not the doctor."

Thus the decision was made; Hiram would be allowed to be as nervous as he wanted. Katharine, who had acted as a midwife during her albeit short nursing career, was called upon to tend to the birth. The arrival of Johanna to their home added more support and peace of mind for the parents to be. As a doctor, Hiram was only there if something went wrong.

In the end, Dr. Weber was right. There were no complications and Katharine had everything well in hand. Eva wouldn't let go of her husband's hand for anything which would have made him quite useless anyway.

"You're doing very well, Eva," she would encourage in a calm soothing voice. "I don't think it will be much longer." Eva nodded and closed her eyes to during a brief moment of respite.

"I can't believe women do this more than once," she replied, bring a smile to Katharine's face. Now was not the time to explain it, she thought. She was sure that when all was said and done, Eva would understand it for herself.

Hiram was at a complete loss as to how to comfort his wife. He decided that it certainly is different when the suffering one is your own wife. He kissed the back of her hand and started to stroke the top of her head. His clinical mind understood the process and the reason for the pain. His heart was less understanding.

"Is any of this helping you relax?" he asked, still caressing her hair. She looked at him and winced.

"Not particularly," she said through the pain. "In fact, it is starting to be annoying." He instantly stopped. He extricated his hand from her grip and motioned for Johanna to come take his place.

"I'm sorry, darling," he apologized. "I… I need to just…" He felt completely useless. Katharine caught his eye and nodded toward the door.

"Go and gather yourself together," she said. "Just don't go far." He obeyed. Eva couldn't believe he was leaving, but Katharine read her thoughts.

"This is pretty hard for men," Katharine explained. "We need to just let him catch his breath and then I'll haul him back in here for the main event. It's almost over, little mother. This baby wants to come out as much as you."

Hiram headed down the stairs and into the kitchen. There was coffee on the stove, stale and cold. He didn't care. He was sure he didn't deserve better. He was about to pour some into a cup when he heard a knock on the front door. He went to open it, but his neighbor let himself in, sneaking through the door with an arm behind his back.

"I figured everyone might be too busy to answer," Sam said. He turned his head at the sound of Eva's outcry and smiled. "What on earth are you doing down here?"

"I'm a wreck," Hiram said exasperated. "I feel like I need to sit down and write a letter of apology to every father I scolded for falling apart on me."

"I told you it was different, didn't I?" Sam gave Hiram and friendly slap on the shoulder. "You're going to make it, my friend. You know there is nothing you can do to stop it, so just… help her through it. Stay strong. How is Eva doing, anyway?"

"Katharine said it will be soon, so…," he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I'd offer you some coffee but it's not very good. I don't have anything stronger or you could help yourself." Sam held up one hand and produced a bottle from behind him with the other.

"When this is over, we'll celebrate together," Sam said with a sly grin. "That is, if I can tear you away from your family." Hiram gave him a tired smile. They both turned to the sound of feet running down the steps.

"Dr. Baker, you better come back," Johanna said before reaching the bottom step. She nodded at Dr. Weber and hurried back up the stairs. Hiram followed her and rushed to his wife's side once more.

"You… stay," she ordered between deep breaths. He promised and let her hold his hand again. She lifted her head and looked at Katharine. "Shouldn't there be some kind of pushing?" Hiram looked at Katharine who nodded. It was time.

Hiram heeded Sam's advice and simply helped Eva through it, reassuring her as she cried, encouraging her as she reached each new point of exhaustion. She swore to him that she couldn't do anymore than she already did. He promised her that she could. He ceased trying to stop her tears and instead just wiped them as they fell.

When it was finally over, he never left her side, content instead to wait for Katharine's pronouncement with her. Eva looked at him, her eyes half closed in exhaustion, and managed to smile through her tears.

"Well?" he finally asked.

"Patience, Papa," Katharine chuckled as she cleaned the baby. "Don't you know us girls need extra time to look pretty?"

"A girl," Hiram said to Eva, breathlessly.

"A girl," she repeated through fresh tears. Neither could say more than that.

Katharine wrapped her in a fresh clean blanket, leaned across the bed and gave her to Hiram who immediately laid her in her mother's arms. Together they pulled the edge of the blanket aside and gazed upon the small miracle.

The baby fussed very little and seemed content to be inspected. She kept her round eyes steady, opening her mouth only let make the slightest noise to let everyone know she was there. Hiram touched her round cheek gently with the back of his finger, and then across the tuft of brown hair on her head. "Look at all this hair…" he said with a small chuckle. His daughter reacted to his voice briefly, and then settled back into her mother's arms. Her eyes started to droop shut, but never quite completely.

Eva didn't say a word, only stared. Her sobs stopped except for a few hiccup gulps of air. Hiram pulled his eyes away from the baby to try and read her reaction to everything, but found that it was difficult. She seemed to be in shock, or at best, too overcome to speak. Johanna and Katharine drew close to get a better look, both expressing admiration for such a find looking child.

"She is beautiful," Johanna whispered her hand over her heart. Eva finally looked up and nodded at her.

"Now that you've had the chance to meet, let us take her for a good bath. It won't be a minute, ok? You won't miss her. After that, you never have to let her go." She reached out her arms and Eva obediently handed the baby to her.

"She really is pretty, isn't she?" Eva was starting to come around. She watched them leave, and then turned to look at her husband. They were alone for the first time since the afternoon.

"You were really great," he told her and he meant it. After all was said and done, she did everything right. And she looked absolutely beautiful doing it. "I'm so proud, I think I'm going to burst. Um, what are you thinking? You haven't said much… and I don't think I've seen you smile."

"Oh, Hiram," she cried, clutching her hands to her heart. "I feel love." He kissed her, relieved to hear her say it. "I didn't know what I was expecting, but this is more than I ever dreamed. I love her, Hiram… I love her so much."

"I'm glad," he said. "Because I know that she is going to adore you."

"I wonder…," she said, but couldn't finish. "I mean, do you think she knows, in some small way, that maybe she has a feeling that I… oh, Hiram. I don't deserve so much happiness. What if she absorbed all that fear and shame and… "

"She looked quite content to me… and you indeed deserve all the happiness in the world."

"But… I had such terrible thoughts. I thought when I saw her I wouldn't be able to love her. I thought she would be hard to look at, but she's so beautiful that it hurts my heart." Eva felt new round of tears burning her eyes. "Oh, I'm so overwhelmed. I never knew I was going to love anyone so much in my whole life." Hiram moved closer to hold his wife.

"Your heart isn't breaking, my love. It's been renewed. It's like opening a curtain in a dark room to let the sun in. You've been in a dark place for so long that this bright light is making it hard to see. It's going to be alright. You don't have to be afraid." As she pondered what he said, Katharine returned with the baby.

"You're going to want to try and feed her soon," she said to Eva while handing the baby to Hiram. She sat next to Eva and pulled her into a motherly embrace. "I just want to finish cleaning up and then I'll leave the new family alone." As she moved around the bed to finish, she looked at the proud new father. "Of course, I'm not leaving the room until I know her name."

"Oh, yes… her name," he said, and looked at Eva.

"I want you to name her," she said. "You are giving her a last name, it seems right that you pick her first name, too."

"Well, I would like to name her Margaret, after my mother. My father always called her Maggie," he said softly. "Margaret Eva Baker… known by those who love her as Maggie."

"I approve," Eva said peacefully.

"Not that it matters, but so do I," Katharine added. "Congratulations to you all. I hope this day is the start of many years of joy and happiness. I'm going to leave you." To Hiram she added, "Make her rest at some point. That goes for you, as well. Maggie is going to need you to take care of her and you can't do that if you don't take care of each other." She left quietly.

Later they would mark that day as the end of one journey and the start of another; they pronounced that the nightmare and all its cruelty… fear, anger, shame… was no more. The arrival of little Maggie Baker brought the antidote; love, peace and joy. And for that new family, that room, in that house, on that broad street in Minneapolis, Minnesota, was the center of the universe.

**Yay! A girl! Luckiest little girl in the world, if you ask me… even if she is a product of my weary mind. On a separate note: my personal life took a small hit today (let's just say, people suck) and I can't seem to focus on this. It doesn't help that I'm working on an epic 'sound of music' story at the same time. I beg for your patience. Peace, love, babies.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

In the wee hours of the morning, Hiram walked the floor with little Maggie. She wasn't ill. She wasn't even crying. She was just… awake. Maggie had been fed to contentment and placed back into her cradle, but she clearly had other ideas. She wanted attention. She instantly started to squawk, not as though she were angry, but because she was indignant. If she didn't want to sleep, how could they?

Eva, exhausted from the fourth night of this new ritual, finally broke down into tears.

"She is such a good baby," she mumbled between sobs. "She eats well, hardly cries when I put her down for naps, but… this! She is so awake and I'm so tired." She buried her face in her pillow while she dropped her arm over the side of her bed to rock her daughter in her cradle. Maggie only became louder with her protestations.

Hiram crawled out of bed and slipped on his robe. He came around and scooped the baby into his arms, bringing instant relief to both mother and child. He leaned over and kissed his wife, bidding her to sleep. He paced slowly and quietly, rocking his daughter with a gentle motion hoping it would calm her and put her back to sleep. It was no use.

"It is my deepest regret to inform you, dearest Maggie, that your father cannot carry a tune in a bucket," he whispered. "Otherwise, I'd resort to lullabies. As it is, the last thing we need is to make the dogs next door start howling too." Maggie watched his face, wide eyed. She seemed quite pleased with herself.

The last six weeks of his life had been pure bliss. Hiram reveled in fatherhood, finding himself practically running home every evening to see her, marveling at the way she changed constantly. He knew he was quite biased, but he thought she was the most amazing baby ever to be born. She was incredibly alert and expressive for a newborn baby. He could swear that she seemed to understand everything he said to her.

Even now, as he begged her to close her eyes and sleep, the look on her face seemed to say, "I know, Father, but this is much better, don't you think?" He smiled at her beautiful round face. It certainly wasn't terrible, he agreed. There are far worse things in life than having to hold your child. He settled down into a chair and sighed. No, he decided, he wouldn't complain. This was heaven.

"I suppose," he said to her quietly. "I could try telling you a story." He paused and waited. Sure enough, she looked at him with expectation. It was uncanny.

_Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, there lived a beautiful princess and a rather ordinary prince. But he isn't important. The princess, she truly was beautiful. Her eyes were as bright as the sky and just as blue. Her hair was the color of gold. She was smart and kind and beloved by all who knew her. And she had this adorably way of biting her lower lip ever so slightly when she laughed or smiled. _

_ Sometimes, my dearest Maggie, even the most beautiful, kindest and most truly good people find that they are not immune to the sufferings that the darkness of this world holds. The beautiful princess was to have such sorrow befall her because unbeknownst to anyone, there was a dragon lurking about the kingdom. One day, the hideous creature swooped out of nowhere and tried to take the beautiful princess away with him. She tried to get away, but the dragon was so big and his talons were so sharp. No one heard her cries and no one came to her rescue. Suddenly, the beastly dragon let her go and she dropped back to the ground broken and scarred, but not destroyed. _

_ Now, the prince discovered what had happened and he did his best to help the beautiful princess to get better. He knew he could put the broken pieces back together, but the dragon's talons had left a mighty scar. This troubled the beautiful princess because she thought the scar meant she couldn't be a princess anymore. She thought that a princess had to be perfect. She was sad for a long, long time._

_ The prince, naturally, loved the princess very much not only because she was so pretty, but because inside she was the most beautiful princess he ever met. The princess, however, didn't think the prince should love her. She believed that a prince should only marry a real princess. _

_ The prince was very sad, too. He loved her so much that it hurt to be near to her, so he made plans to go away. When the princess learned of his plans, she realized that she loved him. She found him and promised to marry him. It made the prince so very happy. _

_ One day, an amazing thing happened. The scar started to fade a little bit. She could still feel it and if she looked closely it was still there. But she discovered that the more she let the prince love her, the more it faded. Everyday his love made her stronger and soon the scar was gone. Finally the prince thought the princess would see that she was still beautiful so she could be as happy as he was. _

_ What the prince didn't realize, though, was that there was another scar he couldn't see. It was on the princess' heart. That scar made her afraid. It made her afraid to be truly happy._

_ Finally, something amazing happened. The beautiful princess had a baby, another beautiful princess of her own. When she saw her baby for the first time, she felt perfect love. And do you know what perfect love does? It destroys fear. The scar on her heart disappeared and she finally knew happiness, a kind of happiness she never had in her life, even before that dreadful dragon hurt her._

_ The princess learned that she wasn't loved because she was beautiful… she was beautiful because she was loved. And she lived happily ever after. _

Hiram watched as Maggie's eyelids started to fall. After a soft little sigh, she closed them and drifted back to sleep. He lifted her small hand with his thumb, enamored by the way she clung to it, thrilled that it didn't wake her. He slowly stood up and carried her back to her bed. He kissed her head, inhaling her sweet scent. It almost pained him to let her go, even for the few hours left in the night.

"You make everything worth while, my love," he whispered to her as he lowered her into her cradle. "Sweet baby dreams, Maggie."

He tiptoed back to his side of the bed and crawled under the covers. As he sleep started to overtake his mind, he felt Eva nestled against him. He turned so he could hold her in the hollow of his arms, her head resting comfortably on his chest. He kissed the top of her head.

"That was a nice story, darling," she mumbled, not opening her eyes. "But you need to change something if you ever tell it again. The prince is valiant, good, strong, and incredibly desirable. He is anything but ordinary."

"I'll have to add that next time."

"Please do. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

**A/N: For a long time I have wanted to share something about these stories I've written and now seems like a perfectly good time to do it. While I was writing ****Redeemed****, I always listened to a song by the Wailin' Jennys called 'Begin'… the melody, the words, the sentiment of the song… everything about it captured what I was trying to write about. I feel that at this part of the story, the message of the song, to let go of the past, to "begin this moment" has been finally achieved by these characters, specifically Eva. This song inspired me to write and to deal with a lot of personal things, too. You can find it on youtube... it's such a great song. I just wanted y'all to know…**

"Begin" by Nicky Mehta

Hey maybe the time just wasn't right to hang on

When are you gonna learn things sometimes turn instead of turn out

Hey when are you gonna stand and stop looking over your shoulder

Me with a head full of words and not one useful expression

Hey let go

We with holes in our hearts were whole at the start our story began

We film ourselves 'til the end try to suspend our lives in the dark

Hey when are you gonna stand and stop looking over your shoulder

See there's a sun in the sky and a moon that will take us 'til morning

When are you gonna stand just stop and begin this moment

Hey let go


End file.
